Me? Sit down

I am a Gamileraay woman who wants to leave this world better than it was when I arrived but we are going backwards which makes me angry and the result is I have a lot to say and sometime, the truth makes me unpopular.

I am also a suffering optimist, I try to see positivity in things but find that is generally only my family that provides the positivity in an otherwise politically depressing world.

Stick around and nod your head, join the discussion and give me a piece of your mind.

Follow me on twitter:

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Love, fear and empathy......

This last week has been one of my hardest for a multitude of reasons and I will do my best to walk you through it.

About 12 months ago I started noticing my partner's snoring and smell sensitivities getting much worse than usual. He was snoring (LOUDLY) all night, every night and certain smells could send him to bed with brutal migraines. I had to stop wearing certain perfumes, close all windows whenever our neighbours were smoking and I would feel a sense of foreboding every time we walked past someone that smelled of smoke. Strong floral scents and the smell of smoke triggered sinus pain that would subsequently develop into severe migraines.

So following treatment for sinusitis which never resolved the issue, he was sent for a CT scan which confirmed a large abnormal growth in his sinus cavity. A growth that would definitely need to be removed.

So having been booked in for surgery, the count down was on, we had a sense of hope that he would soon be pain free and able to live a normal life without having to remove himself from social situations because a slight whiff of a certain smell would send needles into his eyes and sinus.

The wait wasn't always pleasant, I would get bitchy and overtired from the snoring and end up sleeping on the couch and then complain about my back and quite generally be a whiny pain in the ass for him which (I didn't realise at the time of my bitching and moaning) made him feel worse about the situation, he was feeling guilty about something he couldn't help on top of the god awful daily (and worsening) migraines.

I confess, I was a little caught up in all of the things I had to get through in a day and if I didn't have a decent 5 or so hours sleep, I was a raving lunatic that was rarely smiley. I regret this immensely but thankfully, besides a few heated arguments and rough moments between us as a couple, he cut me some slack and let a lot of my moaning slide (he's pretty cool like that because at the end of the day, he's my biggest supporter and understands my days are neither short nor easy).

Getting back on here we are, approaching the surgery with immense amounts of hope that it was going to be smooth sailing and he would simply be 'cured.'

We are both smart people but you wouldn't think so with how blasé we were in approaching this surgery. We honestly had in our heads that it was a day surgery, in and out, instant cure kind of thing. I think even his surgeon greatly underestimated the work required to help him because he had us anticipating 1-2 hours of surgery.

We were wrong. All of us.

As I write this, the whole experience is still extremely raw.

You see, my best friend, love of my life, father of my child had a tumour so large that in order to remove it, the surgeons has to break his nose and completely reconstruct his destroyed sinuses.

I paced the hallway for 6 hours. That may not be long to most people, but to me, it was forever. I was wondering what the hell was happening, why wasn't I called into recovery after the expected 2 hours? Why was I not being told what was happening?

Some 7 hours or so after kissing him goodbye as he was wheeled off with his handsome grin in place (to make me feel better - always trying to reassure me), I was able to walk into recovery to see him.

The first thing I noticed was how PALE he was, he was so so pale that my heart dropped. I wanted to cry but I pasted a smile on my face and gripped his hand to let him know I was there. He was awake and a little out of it still but just said he had a sore throat and asked for some lozenges and water. His nose was all packed up and bandaged so his only means to breathe was through his mouth.

I went to the nurse to ask if I could get some for him and was promptly shooed out so he could rest, I could get a coffee and she would arrange some water.

I went back up to see him about 45 minutes later and he asked me to help him get up to go to the bathroom. As soon as he sat up, everything went to hell. He started vomiting COPIOUS and I mean COPIOUS amounts of blood!!!

I was terrified and honestly thought he was DYING!!! Yes I may seem dramatic, but in that moment, that is exactly what I thought, so I sprinted out to the nurses who came running in to assist him. I may or may not have been yelling about "blood" "he's choking" "help him."

I was fighting my weak stomach to try to be there to help and then my poor pathetic body wanted to bloody faint so I had to leave the nurses to do their thing and take care of my love while I lost the plot. A gorgeous angel of a nurse recognised my terror and reassured me instantly and explained about his blood loss and that he was stable and not to be to concerned. She urged me to go and get some fresh air while my love was being tended to.

You see, I fell apart, totally and completely; emotionally, intellectually and physiologically because I saw the love of my life vomiting buckets of blood and choking in the course of doing so because he could not breathe.

The nurses? They completely calmed the situation, took amazing care of my love and even found the time and patience to reassure me. They didn't have to do that, they are not paid to deal with my pathetic neurotic nature. But they did it anyway, because nurses are phenomenal people, they have hearts unmatched and they just simply CARE!!

I will never ever be able to convey my gratitude to people who change peoples' lives on a daily basis.

Fast forward a little and it was the nurses who gave me comprehensive instructions on how to care for my love who is now safely at home and although very sore, sorry and still bandaged up, he is home and being doted on by his two girls who will never ever take him for granted again.

I love him with all my heart and never ever want to feel that earth shattering fear again. That said, that feeling has provided me with a snapshot of what nurses do everyday and I am so totally and completely in awe of all that they do and the fact that they are not jaded, they see people at their worst and they still care.

Nurses are amazing and I will be forever in their debt xxxx

No comments:

Post a Comment