Me? Sit down

I am a Gamileraay woman who wants to leave this world better than it was when I arrived but we are going backwards which makes me angry and the result is I have a lot to say and sometime, the truth makes me unpopular.

I am also a suffering optimist, I try to see positivity in things but find that is generally only my family that provides the positivity in an otherwise politically depressing world.

Stick around and nod your head, join the discussion and give me a piece of your mind.

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Thursday, 27 February 2014

Some of the loving........

I love my partner, I feel that I always have, pretty much from the moment we started seeing each other. He was funny, caring, sweet and romantic – all of the things most boyfriends are in the early days I guess. But as much as I knew I loved him, there have been defining moments where it hits you like a physical blow just how much you love the person and for me, it was during struggles that we have encountered.

Unfortunately for my partner, falling in love with me and deciding to move in together, didn’t mean just togetherness and closeness, it meant responsibility. When we first met and fell in love, I had uncontrolled epilepsy which caused him a huge amount of worry and stress. If I didn’t respond to text messages or answer the phone in a reasonable period of time, he would get a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach and rush home to me or call people he knew I was with if I was out. Outwardly, this would have appeared controlling because only those closest to me knew about my epilepsy and how bad it was but my partner was so protective, so caring and attentive that it truly did make me fall deeper in love with him.

One particular day I had quite a bad blackout and when my partner arrived home, he found me in the bathroom halfway in the shower and I had turned a charming shade of blue/grey. How he would have felt in this moment, I cannot comprehend but he is first aid trained so he knew exactly what to do and I am here to tell the tale.

This man has saved my life numerous times metaphorically and emotionally. But this man has saved my life LITERALLY and this is something that connects you to a person that you simply cannot explain. I am truly and completely devoted to this beautiful man who is my own personal superhero.

He has handled that very scary period of our lives like a trooper, nothing was too much for him, he supported me through everything.

Another milestone that rocked me was the death of my great grandma, he organised flights, accommodation and all of the arrangements so we could travel for the funeral and all I had to focus on was feeling and grieving. He knows me better than I know myself and he truly does prescribe to the “show love” method, not just saying it.

The other memory that comes to mind was the birth of our daughter. He was STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED. This was THE biggest moment of his life but it wasn’t until a week or two after we had settled in at home with the baby that he came clean and told me just what he went through, because like always, I was his primary concern and keeping me calm and comfortable is where he focussed his energy. It was when he left me and baby at the hospital that he let himself crumble.

You see, like a lot of women out there, I did not have the greatest of birth experiences. I had a 36 hour excruciating labour, gave birth naturally to a 10 lb 6oz bumper baby who in her eagerness to join the world, broke my pelvis and shortly after birth whilst having our first special moments looking into our baby’s eyes was when the birth experience took a real nose dive. I recall asking my partner to hold the baby as I was losing strength in my arms and shortly after that, everything went black. I suffered a severe haemorrhage and my poor devoted partner witnessed the whole event with our baby girl in his arms, so shocked he couldn’t move. The fantastic nursing and specialist medical staff managed to bring me back and stabilise me. Once things settled down and my partner was asked to go home for some rest I had a grand mal seizure, presumably due to the trauma of birth but I am very glad he was not present for that moment as there is only so much a man can see the one he loves go through. Again, the wonderful medical staff stabilised me and I was fine and still here to tell the tale and see my wonderful daughter grow up.

It was this close call that made me realise the depth of my partners love for me, I will never forget the look on his face when he kissed me goodnight that night. Of course I now know that despite being a pillar of strength for me and completely attentive to my every need, inside he was a crumbling mess and I was so out of it I could not be his rock. Thankfully his beautiful mother knew him well enough to know how he was feeling and took him for a lovely lunch to congratulate him on the wonderful gift of our daughter and to remind him of the positives despite the ordeal.

We have had all of the financial worries and moving arguments that every normal couple has but the extra challenges some of the above moments threw at us have brought us closer and given me examples of the depth of our love. I am grateful that I have the love of my life. Do I often argue with him? Yes. Do I want to inflict physical harm? On occasion (don’t judge, we all do).

But one thing is for certain, I know I love him, and despite all of the trials we may encounter and how much we may rub each other the wrong way from time to time, I know he is worth the effort of always working on our relationship to ensure we make it in the long run. In this society of instant gratification and everything being replaceable – one thing is for certain, my own personal superhero is irreplaceable.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Some of the laughing.......

My daughter listens and immerses EVERYTHING that is said in her presence. She could be completely immersed in a discussion between her two Barbies that are deciding whether to go to the park or the newsagent (I know, why would a child of three be role playing about going to the newsagent right?), but you can bet your ass she is taking it all in. She takes in words and context and even the most careful of parents can become unstuck by their toddler who chooses the most hilariously inappropriate moments to repeat those things you utter under your breath when you think you are out of their hearing range.

I have suffered this embarrassment numerous occasions, as has my partner and we trade war stories of an evening when said daughter is peacefully sleeping. Like the time she got hit with a nerf gun and loudly yelled “Jesus” or the time in the grocery store when she didn’t get a lolly pop and said “Chrissake I never get ANYTHING.” Now we aren’t a religious family but it is mortifying to have her repeating the lord’s name in vain, clearly I need to stop doing it when I stub my toe, because I really do not want my daughter (or me) to offend anyone.

Thankfully the bad cuss words have not been repeated in public, but there are moments that you do want the ground to swallow you up.  Whilst sitting down to our dinner the other night at 8pm (the only time of night we can enjoy our meal without questions, spills, toilet breaks or tantrums), my partner recalled a moment in the grocery store with our daughter that he was red faced.

You see, our beautiful daughter does tend to be a bit of an over sharer and decided to announce to her father (and the rest of the grocery store) that she had a “wedgie” and it was “itching” her bum. She then proceeded to very awkwardly pick at her bum.

Now, I am a mental picture kind of person, so at this point in the story I am laughing hysterically and holding my out of shape midsection from a welcome belly laugh but the description of my partners reaction to this incident had me almost falling off the chair.

I asked him, in between gasps of laughter, “what did you do?” and he said “I was dragging her along by the hand telling her to be quiet, and that we don’t say things like that” and the mental image that comes to mind are those pet owners that have animals that love to do their business on the middle of the footpath while their owners are attempting to drag them away by their leads mortified at their exhibitionist furry family members.

So here I am absolutely rocking with laughter at the image of my bum picking child being hauled along the grocery store by her very embarrassed Dad and I am grateful, grateful for the laughter in a stress filled life, grateful for the smile on my significant others face as he recounts the incident and grateful that my child is so oblivious to propriety that she continues to provide us with moments like these to make us laugh and realise what a blast parenthood is.

We need these stolen moments to giggle and reconnect as parents because the hard and trying moments come thick and fast so these stolen moments are the fuel to keep going, they are the realisation that you are comrades in the battle of parenthood and it is just plain good for you to have a laugh.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

People often ask me if I'm crazy......

The answer is probably a resounding yes, but it works for me so I guess that is all that matters.
This question is asked because I am currently working full-time, studying law and psychology/history and raising a beautiful 3 year old daughter with my wonderful and wacky partner. Every single moment of my life is utilitised, there are rarely idle moments and when there are idle moments I am generally on my phone accessing work emails or planning ahead.
I often get "I don't know how you do it" and other similar comments but it really isn't that hard, I have a multitude of time saving ways to get through my daily life  and am constantly on the hunt for more gadgets or ideas to make my life easier.
Don't get me wrong, I am not kidding myself, parenting is HARD. Parenting while being committed to a demanding career and studies to further that career and being successful is HARDER because it comes along with judgment for being a 'working mother' and a multitude of emotions, including guilt for missing out on moments, self-doubt in your ability to manage it all in those all too frequent moments of madness where you find yourself treading water to get through the day.
That said, I have the utmost respect and admiration for stay at home mums. Making that decision for the benefit of their families in the day and age where there is intense pressure on mothers to re-join the workforce and pay taxes is remarkable and brave.
I think that whether you are a working mother or a stay at home mother, your life is bound to be chaotic and beautiful in equal measure.
I love my daughter, I love that she is the essence of innocence, happiness and sunshine that warms my heart and soul. But I also love working, I love the thrill of using my mind and skills for my own professional recognition, it is rewarding to see your work appreciated.
So ultimately, this blog is a record of my crazy life, the many thoughts that flow through my overcrowded mind; the social and political issues that I have strong views on; the ideas, recipes, gadgets and miracles that I come across to make life that tiny bit easier and the many hilarious moments I encounter while raising a head strong 3 year old who thinks she is 30.