Me? Sit down

I am a Gamileraay woman who wants to leave this world better than it was when I arrived but we are going backwards which makes me angry and the result is I have a lot to say and sometime, the truth makes me unpopular.

I am also a suffering optimist, I try to see positivity in things but find that is generally only my family that provides the positivity in an otherwise politically depressing world.

Stick around and nod your head, join the discussion and give me a piece of your mind.

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Thursday, 27 February 2014

Some of the loving........

I love my partner, I feel that I always have, pretty much from the moment we started seeing each other. He was funny, caring, sweet and romantic – all of the things most boyfriends are in the early days I guess. But as much as I knew I loved him, there have been defining moments where it hits you like a physical blow just how much you love the person and for me, it was during struggles that we have encountered.

Unfortunately for my partner, falling in love with me and deciding to move in together, didn’t mean just togetherness and closeness, it meant responsibility. When we first met and fell in love, I had uncontrolled epilepsy which caused him a huge amount of worry and stress. If I didn’t respond to text messages or answer the phone in a reasonable period of time, he would get a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach and rush home to me or call people he knew I was with if I was out. Outwardly, this would have appeared controlling because only those closest to me knew about my epilepsy and how bad it was but my partner was so protective, so caring and attentive that it truly did make me fall deeper in love with him.

One particular day I had quite a bad blackout and when my partner arrived home, he found me in the bathroom halfway in the shower and I had turned a charming shade of blue/grey. How he would have felt in this moment, I cannot comprehend but he is first aid trained so he knew exactly what to do and I am here to tell the tale.

This man has saved my life numerous times metaphorically and emotionally. But this man has saved my life LITERALLY and this is something that connects you to a person that you simply cannot explain. I am truly and completely devoted to this beautiful man who is my own personal superhero.

He has handled that very scary period of our lives like a trooper, nothing was too much for him, he supported me through everything.

Another milestone that rocked me was the death of my great grandma, he organised flights, accommodation and all of the arrangements so we could travel for the funeral and all I had to focus on was feeling and grieving. He knows me better than I know myself and he truly does prescribe to the “show love” method, not just saying it.

The other memory that comes to mind was the birth of our daughter. He was STRESSED STRESSED STRESSED. This was THE biggest moment of his life but it wasn’t until a week or two after we had settled in at home with the baby that he came clean and told me just what he went through, because like always, I was his primary concern and keeping me calm and comfortable is where he focussed his energy. It was when he left me and baby at the hospital that he let himself crumble.

You see, like a lot of women out there, I did not have the greatest of birth experiences. I had a 36 hour excruciating labour, gave birth naturally to a 10 lb 6oz bumper baby who in her eagerness to join the world, broke my pelvis and shortly after birth whilst having our first special moments looking into our baby’s eyes was when the birth experience took a real nose dive. I recall asking my partner to hold the baby as I was losing strength in my arms and shortly after that, everything went black. I suffered a severe haemorrhage and my poor devoted partner witnessed the whole event with our baby girl in his arms, so shocked he couldn’t move. The fantastic nursing and specialist medical staff managed to bring me back and stabilise me. Once things settled down and my partner was asked to go home for some rest I had a grand mal seizure, presumably due to the trauma of birth but I am very glad he was not present for that moment as there is only so much a man can see the one he loves go through. Again, the wonderful medical staff stabilised me and I was fine and still here to tell the tale and see my wonderful daughter grow up.

It was this close call that made me realise the depth of my partners love for me, I will never forget the look on his face when he kissed me goodnight that night. Of course I now know that despite being a pillar of strength for me and completely attentive to my every need, inside he was a crumbling mess and I was so out of it I could not be his rock. Thankfully his beautiful mother knew him well enough to know how he was feeling and took him for a lovely lunch to congratulate him on the wonderful gift of our daughter and to remind him of the positives despite the ordeal.

We have had all of the financial worries and moving arguments that every normal couple has but the extra challenges some of the above moments threw at us have brought us closer and given me examples of the depth of our love. I am grateful that I have the love of my life. Do I often argue with him? Yes. Do I want to inflict physical harm? On occasion (don’t judge, we all do).

But one thing is for certain, I know I love him, and despite all of the trials we may encounter and how much we may rub each other the wrong way from time to time, I know he is worth the effort of always working on our relationship to ensure we make it in the long run. In this society of instant gratification and everything being replaceable – one thing is for certain, my own personal superhero is irreplaceable.

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